I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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