I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
