I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
