peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
