Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
