You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
