Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
