yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
