he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
