I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
