absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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