I hate your face
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just pee around me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
