It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
