Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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