The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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