i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
