im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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