does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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