yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
