I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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