And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
