Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
