jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
