Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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