dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
