it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is wine microwaveable?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
