shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
