We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
