Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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