I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
