i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
