Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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