Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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