i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
