woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
