talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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