He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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