I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
