he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
