so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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