i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
