can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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