Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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