Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
