Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
