So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
