Swine flu. Run for my life!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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