So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
