better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
