am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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