Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
