At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
