No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
