You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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