You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
