This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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